How Charlie Sheen remains a TV superstar: The scariest image on network TV is Charlie Sheen's smile. It's the smile of a bland American vampire -- an indestructible creature the locals have mistaken for a rakish new neighbor who's presumed to have a night job because he's never seen during daylight. Sheen's smile is chilling because there seems to be almost no real pleasure behind it. It's just a particular formation of muscle groups, a default position for the face, a counterweight to those dark, narrow, strangely dead eyes -- the eyes of an ancient, decadent aristocrat. I can picture lovely young neighbor girls talking about the new fellow's dark good looks while waiting for the school bus, agreeing he's charming but that there's something a bit off about him, something they can never quite figure out -- until that afternoon when they decide to sneak into his hilltop estate in search of answers and ultimately wind their way down into the cellar, where they find a gilded coffin, and Charlie asleep in it, smiling.