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Friday, July 9, 2010

Common Old Geezer's Remedy (for almost anything): Gin & Tonic

Off-Label Leg Tonic: I suffer from nocturnal leg cramps lately, a common old geezer's complaint. Naturally, I've tried everything. Calcium, magnesium, potassium, sodium, vitamin B, vitamin E, hydration. Nothing seems to help, at least not consistently. The only drug with proven efficacy for this malady is quinine, which is generally used to treat malaria. So naturally our FDA announced today that it will forbid the use of Qualaquin, a name-brand quinine drug, for "off-label" uses, that is, for treating anything...


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tonic |ˈtänik|
noun
1 a medicinal substance taken to give a feeling of vigor or well-being.
• something with an invigorating effect : being needed is a tonic for someone at my age.
2 short for tonic water.
3 Music the first note in a scale that, in conventional harmony, provides the keynote of a piece of music.