Can I take a lover in my 50s?: I want to believe I am a woman who can deal with having a lover -- a man I go to bed with who is neither boyfriend nor husband. Sex that is occasional, not quite casual. (Can sex ever be casual? If it's casual, is it really sex?) Lovemaking with no promises of love, just the opportunity to practice that most difficult of yogic challenges: Be in the moment. Do not try to connect this experience to anything before or beyond now.